Chris Campos’s Blog. Thoughts, Feelings, Ideas, Art.

She's here and I'm so relieved

I feel sweet joy as I fall in love with my baby girl.

She was born three weeks ago and it’s already hard to remember what life was like without her.

Of course, there’s so much to do to take care of her every day and every night. Feeding her, burping her, holding her, soothing her, changing her diapers and little outfits. It’s a cycle that just keeps going as, sleeplessly, we love on her always.

But there is also a profound shift taking place within me. We waited so long for her to arrive. I experienced so much heartbreak, fear, stress and paranoia (this is a long story that I will tell another time). And now she’s here, and I feel tremendous relief.

This relief is hard to overstate, and it feels impossible to dimension right now. I’ve lived with such extreme stress and fear for so long that I believe it’s become ingrained as part of my natural state. But now it’s slowly diminishing and departing.

It’s a surreal feeling. I’m caught between two states of being, exiting one as I’m entering the other.

Last night I snuggled with my baby girl. She lay on her tummy on my chest. I held her with both hands and gently rubbed her back. Her eyes were open and alert. She looked here and there at the world around her. It was such a simple, beautiful moment. And now my life is filled with moments like this.

It’s magical to watch her breathe.

It is such a precious gift to hold her in my arms.

I feel fulfilled and complete when I take care of her.

I can’t believe my baby girl is here.

I’m such a lucky man.

The Plate of Lamb

So much depends on the burrito roller